So, it's finally here: Barrage begins an extended hiatus on May 7th and all the players are moving onto new things.
Today is the first day of my last tour with this band, the beginning of the end.
It feels like both the first and last day of senior year. There's still excitement ahead, but it's all informed by looming, significant change. That moment when you wake up on the last day of your senior year and realize, whether you like it or not, that the chapter is nearly over and your life is about to become very different. Everything seems to become a distant memory, which you will refer to -- at first uncomfortably -- in the past tense. What were already weak memories dissolve into faint stories, reminiscent of things which may or may not have happened to you. (Or maybe they happened to your brother?) And suddenly, starting or finishing a story with "when I was a kid" or "when I was younger" seems to take on a whole new meaning.
And yet, this transition into what you'll view as "adulthood" weirdly overlaps with a burgeoning fervor to actually start your life. Time graciously pardons whatever teenage angst remains, and everything is new, fresh, and exciting. Talking about the future is no longer as theoretical as it once was -- you have begun to live it.
I'm eager to start this next chapter in my life and I'm reluctant for the current one to end. There are many things I will miss (and other things which I certainly won't), but I'm ready for the change.
After four years at Barrage University, I'm ready for graduation.
Nineteen shows left.
Today is the first day of my last tour with this band, the beginning of the end.
It feels like both the first and last day of senior year. There's still excitement ahead, but it's all informed by looming, significant change. That moment when you wake up on the last day of your senior year and realize, whether you like it or not, that the chapter is nearly over and your life is about to become very different. Everything seems to become a distant memory, which you will refer to -- at first uncomfortably -- in the past tense. What were already weak memories dissolve into faint stories, reminiscent of things which may or may not have happened to you. (Or maybe they happened to your brother?) And suddenly, starting or finishing a story with "when I was a kid" or "when I was younger" seems to take on a whole new meaning.
And yet, this transition into what you'll view as "adulthood" weirdly overlaps with a burgeoning fervor to actually start your life. Time graciously pardons whatever teenage angst remains, and everything is new, fresh, and exciting. Talking about the future is no longer as theoretical as it once was -- you have begun to live it.
I'm eager to start this next chapter in my life and I'm reluctant for the current one to end. There are many things I will miss (and other things which I certainly won't), but I'm ready for the change.
After four years at Barrage University, I'm ready for graduation.
Nineteen shows left.
3 comments:
Toolow - what you wrote is so true and all things I've thought about a lot. Almost precisely. But yes, be excited and come visit me in Denmark!! We'll have buns and cheese and that traditional christmas dinner that we had on the Stig tour every single night. hehehe!
But good luck, Tohloh, you will have a HWONDERFUL future.
I know it will be quite nice for you to be home...for a while. But, I bet you will get itchy feet and be off for a graduate degree by Fall or maybe Spring. May I suggest this awesome place up in the pines and right up the street,(I-17), from home? You already have a few friends there just waiting for you!
So well written my friend, and all so true. What an amazing, amazing adventure you've been on for the last 4 years (can't believe it's been that long). A lifetime of memories for sure, and a ton of change and growth in you as an individual and performer. Can't wait to see what this next chapter brings in your life. And frankly, I for on am quite happy to have you home for a bit.
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